Thank goodness for Fresh meat and its ability to make me laugh!
Thank goodness for Fresh meat and its ability to make me laugh!
I thought back to Gambia and how I wouldn’t let myself be excited before I went which now seems crazy! But I was terrified about doing something so different and it was a defense mechanism. I guess that is what I am doing right now, protecting myself just in case everything doesn’t go to plan. And as I have now realised this, just through writing this blog, I am going to have to be a lot more positive about the exciting new things that are coming to my life!
How many times has a friend or colleague asked you ‘What did you do at the weekend?’ and you find your mind has gone completely blank? It happens quite regularly to me if I have not wrote anything down. I wanted to write about what I was thankful for but as I have not noted these down on my calendar, I am left with what my feeble brain can recollect over the course of this week.
Firstly, what has stood out for me the most is the reaction to a text that I sent to multiple friends and acquaintances asking for recommendations of temping agencies. I touchingly received several phone calls, two of which were from friends I had not spoken to in a while, and received a text reply from everyone else. There was slight consternation at my leaving full time work for a part time work – a feeling that I entirely reciprocate, however there was lots of support and suggestions which I am acting on- thanks!
If my happiness is in my own hands I have to make the decision to create change and in this case, it is time to move on. I envy those people that know what they want to do with their lives or are content in their careers. I occasionally feel angry that the universe has not revealed to me my greater purpose
in life but I am gradually realising that for some of us happiness and true understanding of ourselves has to be worked at, possibly as much as others who try to lose a great deal of weight or run a marathon. Slowly training and moderating our thought processes and behaviours for a long term greater gain. Boring, frustrating and annoying but true.
On another note but related to new thought processes- I was thinking a great deal this morning, particularly about my past and stressing myself out far too much when suddenly a thought popped into my head ‘Let it go’. And again ‘Let it go’.
This is an unusual thought process for me- I am uptight and a bit of a control freak and certainly not into letting things go. But as I felt myself let go of those thoughts, my mood brightened and I felt full of purpose- so I quickly got up and cleaned my room whilst I was feeling so productive!
There is so much I would like to forget- but If I do will I change who I am?
Say Yes. Its simple right? But how often are you invited to do something or to go somewhere and you put off agreeing until you check your diary or what other people are doing?
As I do this constantly, In my attempt to become a happier person I decided to give up saying ‘no’ for Lent. I am not a particularly religious person but thought it would be a good time to make a positive change in my life.
And saying yes has been good so far- I’ve been to see my first ever musical, had an impromptu dinner, just finished a Business Analysis course, bought tickets for a gig I wouldn’t have chosen myself ; been given a ticket for an exhibition I wanted to go to; said yes to a wedding invitation & to doing a reading at another wedding- in the last two situations I was really touched and honoured.
Saying yes is such a simple action but I think it can have a great impact if you let it. There can be conflicts- being invited clubbing on a school night for example but on the whole I think it is a positive, more active mind set. So I will continue saying yes as I think it forces me to have a more active, well lived life and will let you know the results at Easter.
I know I have been neglecting my thankfulness blog both here and on my calendar and today was reminded by the The Daily Love blog that when we are inconsistent with ourselves in achieving our goals, we doubt our ability to complete our dreams. As I want the faith to know I can achieve my dreams I figured a short post on here would be necessary!So I am thankful to Mike for giving me the opportunity to learn something new; to Ed, Livia & Devina for listening to me all weekend and to Stef for asking me to do a reading at her wedding.
Recently I had a falling out with a close friend. Their behaviour contravened the innate trust found in close friendships. However, through my anger and tears, I was able to acknowledge the root of my reaction to their behaviour: Fear & Trust.
Fear is like an accessory you wear most days. You clip it into your hair or slide it on to your finger because its familiar. Fear is all the actions you don’t take. I don’t always realise fear is there but It shows its presence by inhibiting me whenever something scary or maybe just different is on the horizon. Fear feels different for each person, I find fear makes me nervous, unable to sleep, insecure and encourages a tendency to pretend that things aren’t happening. My friend forced me to acknowledge that something was indeed changing in my life and I was not ready to openly acknowledge that change and so I was angry. Why? Because making a change means having the faith that everything will work out for the best. That I will have to persevere with the choices I now make, responsible for my own actions. And I struggle with my fear that I am going to make a huge mistake, that I will have no money, I’m coming too far out of my comfort zone. Yet a woman that I greatly admire told me I was brave. Over the coming months, I hope to be brave.
I mentioned trust earlier; trust is not only about the trust you have in other people, but often more tellingly, the trust you have in yourself, to fulfil your potential and live the life you are meant to live. Most self-help literature will encourage you to trust in your beliefs and potential and most importantly to trust that everything will be ok. As a optimist-in-training, trust is a big deal to me, not only in cultivating a better life but also in being less of a control freak! I have to trust that everything will go ok without really knowing the outcome. So I am working on trusting myself more. I read a fantastic Tony Robbins (motivational speaker/ coaching guru) quote recently on The Daily love (blog on making your life better with love). “The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty that you can comfortably live with.” This had a resonance with me as I hate uncertainty and try to plan as much as I can, as far in advance as possible. So this gave me some food for thought.
I have been grappling with fear and trust over the weekend but in the end, by overcoming part of my fear I ended up going to a gig with an attractive man and had a good evening. So I am thankful to the Wise one who encouraged me to go to said gig; for Basil’s visit which resulted in a visit to the British museum, a very good ratatouille and a present of macaroons! And I am thankful that I spoke to both of my younger brothers today and that I was able to be of use to them. Finally a note on love- love yourself as well as you love others. For me that meant putting up some pictures that had been languishing in my bedroom and writing this blog.
If you are now intrigued about Livia, you can check out her artwork here: http://www.liviapalmiero.com/
Is this what happiness feels like?